I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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