My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
