Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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