the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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