So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
