I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
