worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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