If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
