I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
