I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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