if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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