I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
