That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
