Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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