i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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