ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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