Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
