theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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