EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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