She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
