I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize