literally had 100 drinks last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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