I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
