I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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