uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
