I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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