Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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