Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
