Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
