I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
