2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
