i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
