am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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