I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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