I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
