I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
