Nicole vs. Life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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