Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
