totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
