This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
