I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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