i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
