no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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