I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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