I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
