You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
