So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
