What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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