Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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