After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
