The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
