Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't trust your balls anymore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
