My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
