Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
don't judge my taste in strippers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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