Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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