Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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