After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
