yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
