I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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